We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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