Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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