needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
