Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
