ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
