i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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