I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
