If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
