if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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