based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
