No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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