i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
