so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
