i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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