ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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