So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
