i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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