Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
