can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
