Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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