Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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