Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
