We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
