do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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