I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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