Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were trust falling into bushes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
