Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
