I just threw up on my dentist
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
