Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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