So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
