i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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