if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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