i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
