apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
