nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
