If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
