Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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