screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
