Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
