just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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