I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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