remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
