i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
