i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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