we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
