trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
