how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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