From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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