I hope mine doesn't look like that
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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