You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
