dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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