Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
